What I wish I could tell my 16-year-old self….

As I am writing this I just celebrated my thirtieth birthday earlier this month and Eve just celebrated her fourth birthday a few days ago. When I was 16 if one would have told me that this is how my thirtieth birthday would look I would not have believed them. You see, at 15 I lost a considerable amount of vision as a result of three brain surgeries in the matter of six months, resulting in me needing a white cane for safe travel. The moment this cane was put in my hand I knew that this was not the way I wanted to travel forever and that a guide dog would be in my future. 

Lindsay with her makeup done just before prom. 

What I did not know…

Although I saw myself using a guide dog for safe travel I did not realize at 16 how having an additional mobility impairment would impact my desire to use a guide dog. My additional mobility impairment at 16 made using a guide dog not possible at that point in my life because it severely impacted my left hand and arm. This impact affected my ability to grip a harness handle for long periods of time, resulting in me inadvertently dropping the harness handle frequently. As a result of my limited dexterity and guide dogs typically being trained on the left side, this particular organization denied my application shortly after my home interview. I remember the representative telling me shortly after doing my Juno walk that if they trained a dog on the right side for me it would take years before I saw a class date and that they maybe train a dog on the right every three years and furthermore this organization did not know if they could help me. 

Looking back, I realize that my orientation and mobility (O&M) skills were not where they needed to be. You see, due to my additional mobility impairment I was only taught in high school to use my cane as an identification tool and not for constant contact to locate obstacles in my path. When using a cane for identification one typically holds it out in front of them and does not sweep it back and forth, as one may have seen a white cane user do to find obstacles. This was problematic for this home interview because the interviewer expected that I would have this skill. Not only did not knowing proper constant contact not help me during this interview, but it made it hard navigating my high school campus with four thousand students. 

Thankfully early in my college career I was taught how to use constant contact. I quickly saw its benefit especially in unfamiliar areas and large crowds of people like I found at my community college and later university.

After this major disappointment my heart was crushed, and anyone who would ask if I would consider using a guide dog I would tell them it was not for me. This was even the case when speaking with a distant family member on the east coast, who worked as a Guide Dog Mobility Instructor (GDMI) at the time. I would give anyone this answer because I did not want to face the possible disappointment once again. 

When you least expect it you will cross paths with people that will change your life… 

In the fall of 2020 I was on a call to understand what my undergraduate college of education had planned for that semester, when I unexpectedly met someone who would change my life forever. During this call I had the opportunity to speak with the college's current student ambassador, who also happened to be blind. 

When I mentioned to her that I also had low vision she asked me the question I got from other blind and low vision students on campus, which was “how do you navigate campus?” As I always responded to this question, I said “just with a cane.” Unlike my other students she proceeded with further questions like “why, how, no, have you thought of getting a guide dog?” As I had given every other person who would ask me this million dollar question, I told her “it's not for me, as I do not have full use of my left hand.” From there she was not going to take that as an answer and proceeded to tell me about a thing that I had never heard of called “specialized training,” for people who have additional disabilities in addition to blindness or low vision. She went on to explain that there is a guide dog school in New York that offers such a service. From there I told her that I would think about it, but I was not completely convinced that it would work. 

For over a year this student would not stop asking me if I had looked further into the guide dog school she had told me about. At one point, she said, "Let me just give you our local GDMI’s contact so that you can have a chat.” Part of the reason this student wanted me to have a chat with our local GDMI had to do with the fact that I shared with her a scary encounter that I had with a six lane intersection near our campus. I eventually had a chat with this GDMI, but it still took me six months to get the courage up to submit my initial application. After doing so, I had both a sensitive relief and a sense of fear at the same time because I didn’t know if it was going to work.

Fast forward to when doing my home interview the second time around, the experience was a night and day difference. I think why this particular home interview was different had a lot to do with my lived experience, the additional orientation and mobility skills I had built, and knowing that this particular organization had something that no other organization I looked into had. This night and day difference continued with my application decision, being admitted into a class, my class experience, and what it’s been like after. I was also pleasantly surprised to know that I could work a dog on my left side just as long as I was given the proper equipment. Who knew an offset handle and a BioThane leash would be all I needed. I wouldn’t give the experience that I have been provided for the world as it’s opened more doors than I could have imagined. 

Good things come to those who wait..

I share this whole story with you to say that you might be 16-year-old me, and currently experiencing heartbreak and disappointment, but wait and see what happens. When you least expect it you will be given the path you are meant to take. Do not expect it tomorrow, next week, next year, etc, it will come when it is meant to come.   

Lindsay kneeling while hugging Eve and smiling off into the distance.